My Testimony Pt.2: I Know the Road

Unbeknownst to my family, I have enjoyed every moment of time spent with them since being saved. I’ve said before that I’m blessed to have been raised in a family of believers, but I’m even more blessed to be saved. What’s still hard for me to grasp is how God is transforming my life. I’m going through an initial transformation stage in my life and part of that comes with saying goodbye to some people.

We all know there’s a lot of questions getting asked today about whether or not it’s a good idea to follow Jesus. I believed the lies being told that it wasn’t a good idea. Those lies weren’t telling me to turn away from Jesus, they were convincing me that I was following Jesus. Standing where I do today it’s incredible beginning to understand just how deceived I was. The scales have literally begun falling off my eyes. I believed that the cure to my loneliness was in a meaningless interaction with someone or a great night out. Or by some gorgeous happenstance I’d meet a gay man who went to church…and I did. I actually found someone who went to seminary so I was pretty convinced I was getting to know someone who could understand my faith. Who knew that it was actually through the hardships following meeting that person that by the grace of God, I’d get to know the easy road. I know all of the paths and every trail. I might even know them a little too well.

One of those trails was alcoholism. It has lots of shortcuts that connect it to the homosexuality road. Turns out, drinking is not a cure to social anxiety. I was anxious because I knew deep down that I didn’t think a lot of the things I was doing was right. I also wanted the “courage” to confront people if I ever needed to. Again just touching on all of this stuff for now. I’d love to have more conversations about the aristocracy within the gay community. It not your typical ‘high tea’ with the Queen of England. It’s not at all classy, very dramatic, and much like a rollercoaster you can’t get off of. Unfortunately for me, I’m still on that rollercoaster. Just because I’ve decided to leave a homosexual lifestyle behind does not mean I’m free from facing backlash as a Christian. I don’t miss my old life either. I don’t miss it because that energy used to sin is released when I enjoy every moment of praise in my shower, every butterfly, every ray of sun, and every drop of rain. The tears I shed whether I’m sad or happy are never alone, but like I said, singing in praise to the God of the universe is wayyy better and more enjoyable than on a stage at a bar, and I don’t need 7 tequila shots to do it!

Naturally, not everyone is going to want to be your friend if you follow Jesus either. Honestly speaking, that makes me sad. “How could someone hate me for getting my life cleaned up” is what I say to myself sometimes. Truth is, some people just don’t like the truth, and I think it’s also encouraging knowing that I’m living in such a way that reveals the truth in other people’s life, it means that I’m being a light. I don’t think that’s going to get easier for me either as proclaim what Jesus has done for me and what the Bible wants me to turn away from in pursuit of righteousness. I’m losing friends, but I’ve gained my sister back. Just the other day I asked God why I’ve gotten my whole family back (who never disowned be and still loved me despite how horrible I treated them), but I had never reconnected with my brother since being baptized in March. The next day, my brother called me. *a smile comes across my face.

For anyone dealing with any type of issue with their sexuality, whether it be polygamy, homosexuality, transgenderism, bisexuality: I want you to know that we live in a world that looks down on anyone who pursues righteousness. I want you to know that there is no love, not even self love outside of God. I could have never gotten to a place of peace and tranquility in my life without Jesus. I don’t wake up every day and wonder what if I’ll be okay if I don’t find the love of my life. The God of the universe loves me and that is enough. For single, straight people, God’s love is enough. It makes me sad to see people basing their own worth on a relationship. You are not great because you have a girlfriend. You are not great because you are married. You are not great because you have 777 best friends. Jesus died for you, because He loves you. The God of the universe died so you could spend eternity with him. I want that to be crystal clear above all else. Above anything that you ever read or hear from me. Gay, straight, white, black, trans, tax-collector, pornstar, president, and everything else. God can, will, and wants to redeem you’re life, you just have to let Him. Understand that and know it well because the next words I type are sobering words, and they’ll sting. Also know that those things don’t define you. Let Jesus define you as “Son of God” and see how lonely you feel after. I guarantee you you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

For what it's worth, to be crystal clear on my stance on homosexuality, so that none may question it. Marriage is to only ever be between 1 man and 1 woman. Period. No one is to pursue a relationship with someone of the same sex. Period. Doing so goes against God and therefore sin. I say these things not to condemn anyone, just to make my beliefs clear. There’s also an unexplainable frustration that boils within me when I watch clips of “gay pastors” (air quotes because they’re false teachers) and I think that anger comes from a place of knowing what God can do and that living a life outside of homosexuality is actually pretty beautiful. I don’t have to worry about having an STD or HIV or apparently there’s a disease called “monkeypox” that’s going around again. Not me though, no health anxiety for me anymore. The answer to that anxiety wasn’t therapy. The answer was abstaining from sin and sex outside of biblical marriage.

I know this message is very hard to hear, but it’s the truth, and sometimes these truths have been hard for me to hear. I’ve cried because of these truths, but I didn’t have to stay that way forever and you don’t have to stay that way forever. Since being saved, friendships and relationships with my family have been restored. God has already begun making bad relationships break and wither in my life and I’m seeing so much change happen daily. That loneliness is gone now. As a matter of fact there’s love in the brotherhood that I’m apart of today. There’s love in my family like I never knew before. It’s not that I don’t worry anymore, it’s that I don’t need to worry anymore. I’d expand more on God’s blessing in my life since being saved, but I’ll be doing that for the rest of my life. Until then, know that I care about you, know that the God of the universe died for you, know that Jesus Christ is love, know that if you ever want to ask me about Jesus, I’m always here. Make sure you enter the Narrow Gate too;)

I’m gonna start posting some songs that I find helping me through life and songs that come to mind when I write these posts. Go give “Let It Begin” by Big Daddy Weave a listen. If my life was a movie, I’d cut to this song. It also was released on my birthday this year which is not a coincidence I believe.

Biblical Foundations:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” (Romans 1:26 & 27)

“Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted.” (1 Timothy 1:8-11)

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.” (John 15:18)

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26)

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:17)

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” (Matthew 7:13-14)